Know Your Stars! Gundam Wing Style!
by Seto's Nice Girl
Summary: The Gundam Wing cast are guests for that infamous show, 'Know Your Stars! Can they keep what little of their sanity and dignity they have left? Nope, I didn't think so either!
1. Heero Yuy's Underwear

**Nice: Oh wow! Here's my first Gundam Wing Fic!**

**Duo: But we're in your crossover fic, too. So this isn't your first time writing about us. **

**N: But this is the first fic that's all about you guys!**

**D: So what's it about.**

**N: Read the chapter and you'll find out.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Not Gundam Wing, or the computer I'm typing on.**

**On with the fic!**

**KYS! Ch.1: Heero Yuy**

**Our five favorite boys were sent to investigate a new militant group that was a threat to the peace. Their base was supposed to be in an old theater and the boys were ordered by Lady Une to stop them and blow the whole thing up if they were too violent. But, it was not a military group that was there. It was something more heinous, more sinister, and more frightening. It was…**

"**Know Your Stars? What the hell is 'Know Your Stars'?" asked Duo as he read the banner above the stage.**

"**Maybe it's the name of the group?" said Quatre.**

**Just then a disembodied voice spoke, _Welcome Boys! You are today's guests on Know Your Stars!_**

"**So this isn't a secret base for some military group?" asked Heero.**

_**Military group? No! This is…**_

"**Know Your Stars. We know that. But we didn't sign up for this," said Trowa.**

"**Yeah, who did sign us up for this thing?" asked Duo.**

**_Why it was the lovely Lady Une who signed you five up and you guys came. So there's no backing out now._**

"**That onna! How dare she! This is an INJUSTICE!" cried Wufei.**

**_Yeah, yeah injustice and all that other crap. Don't worry. Part of the agreement was that she and a few others were to join also. So now let's get this show started with our first victim, err I mean, guest is Heero Yuy!_**

**A crowd appeared out of nowhere and started to cheer. "Yay! Go Heero! We love you!" they said.**

"**Hn. Let's just get this over with," said Heero.**

_**Okay Heero. Just get on stage and sit on the stool and wait for it to start.**_

**The stage was illuminated and showed a lone stool in the center. Heero climbed on stage and sat down.**

_**Know Your Stars…Know Your Stars…Heero Yuy is a Barbie Girl in a Barbie World.**_

"**I am not a Barbie Girl nor do I live in a Barbie world. That's Relena's thing," said Heero.**

**_Oh okay sure whatever you say Barbie Yuy_**

"**I'm not Barbie!"**

_**Know Your Stars…Heero Yuy…wants to be a ballerina.**_

"**The hell? I don't want to be a ballerina!"**

_**He just loves to dance to Swan Lake and he thinks he'll look good in a tutu and tights!**_

"**I do not! Stop lying!"**

**_His dream is to be in the Nutcracker Suite and to become famous_**

"**That is not my dream! Shut up you stupid voice!"**

_**Know Your Stars…Heero Yuy…is not the Perfect Solider but he actually Pretty Solider Sailor Moon!**_

"**I'm not that meat ball head!"**

_**Then why'd ya dress like her, huh?**_

"**I've never dressed like Usagi!"**

**_Is that a fact? Well, I have proof!_ Just then the theater was rained on by photos. It showed Heero dressed like Eternal Sailor Moon. Heero grabbed one and gasped.**

"**How did you get this! We were in another world then! And that crazy woman with the vespa dress me up like her!"(1)**

**_I have my ways. Go on Heero, sing your theme song: 'Fighting Leos by moonlight. Trying to shoot Relena by daylight. Never running from a Gundam fight. He is the one named Heero Moon!'_**

"**Hahaha! Heero Moon!" laughed Duo.**

"**Shut up you, baka!" cried Heero.**

_**Know Your Stars…Heero Yuy…wears teddy bear underwear!**_

"**What the? I don't wear teddy bear underwear!"**

**_Reeeaaallly now? Are you sure? _Just then a huge fan appeared and ripped Heero's clothes off. Underneath were…**

"**Yuy really does wear teddy bear underwear!" cried Wufei before he started to laugh.**

"**And they're pink, too! This is priceless! I wish I had a camera!" laughed Trowa.**

"**It looks like it's made of lace! Where did you get that Hee-chan? Victoria's Secret?" asked Duo between his bouts of laughter.**

**Quatre was doubled over in laughter and couldn't speak.**

"**I will kill you all! Just you wait!" cried a blushing Heero as he tried to cover himself.**

**_And now we know Sailor Heero Yuy: 'Barbie Girl, ballerina who loves to wear teddy bear underwear!_**

"**No they don't!"**

**Just then, Zechs, Sally, Une, Noin, and Relena walked into the theater. They stopped short when they saw Heero on the stage in nothing but his underwear.**

"**Is that?" asked Sally as started to snicker.**

"**Yes, it is!" laughed Zechs as he pulled out a camera and took pictures.**

"**Oh GAWD! I can't breathe!" said Une and Noin and they laughed.**

**Relena was a different story. She showed no emotion as she stared at the nearly nude body of the boy she longed for. Then it clicked. Heero was in his underwear just a few feet in front of her. **

"**Heeeeeerrrrrrrrrooooooooo!" she cried and ran to the stage at a speed that would make a Gundam green with envy.**

**Heero looked at the pink blur that was heading straight to him. "Noooo! Not her! Leave me alone!" he said as he started to run.**

"**Heeerrrrooo! Come and kill me! But kiss me first before you do!"**

"**Somebody kill me! Please!" he said as he disappeared.**

**_Since that one's over, let's get to our next contestant, Duo Maxwell!_**

**Duo stopped laughing and said, "Oh no…"**

_**To be cont.!**_

**N: So how was that? Will Heero escape Relena? Do you guys have any ideas on Duo's bashing? Remember no flames. And R&R!**

**(1): From my crossover fic 'Anime Stars Of Destiny' Ch.6: Vespas are Kewl! Check it out when you have the chance.**


	2. Duo Maxwell: God of Bunnies

**Nice: Wow! People really like this story! I thank all who reviewed and read this story. Now let's get to Duo's Know Your Star's interview!**

**Duo: Why must you torture me! I thought I was your fav GB boy!**

**N: You are but this is so much fun I can't stop!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

**On with the fic!**

**KYS! Ch.2: Duo Maxwell**

**Duo gulped as he walked up the steps onto the stage. He tried to focus on something other than what was going to happen to him. He concentrated on Heero's screaming as he was being molested by Relena, but that just reminded him of what might possibly be his future. (But he didn't have any stalkers like Heero.) **

'**Why didn't I let him kill her when we first met? Why damn it!' he thought as he heard her squealing. Duo sat down in the chair and started to sweat.**

_**Calm down Duo. It's not that bad.**_

"**You made Heero scream like a girl."**

_**True. But he was asking for by wearing nothing but his underwear in front of Relena.**_

"**You have a point. Let's do this and pray that I don't go insane."**

"**Oh this should be good," said Wufei as he pulled out a bucket of popcorn. "Popcorn Quatre, Trowa?"**

"**Is it kettle corn flavor?" asked Quatre.**

"**Is it the carnival kind?" asked Trowa.**

"**Nope," said Wufei as he took a bite. The he opened his mouth and flames came out. "It's The Dragon Clan's secret recipe filled with lots of spices."**

"**We'll pass," replied both Quatre and Trowa.**

**_Know Your Stars…Know Your Stars….Duo Maxwell is The God of duckies _and_ bunnies…_**

"**I am not! I'm the God of Death!"**

_**He wears a duck suit with bunny ears when they come to worship him.**_

"**No they don't! I don't even own a duck suit!**

_**But you own bunny ears?**_

"**Well…um…That's private!"**

_**Oooh! We have a little pervert here! Do you role play with Hilde or maybe Heero?**_

"**Shut up!"**

**_Know Your Stars….Duo Maxwell…is a necrophiliac…_**

"**W-what! That's just sick!"**

_**Oh come on. We know you love how cold their bodies are. How stiff and unmoving. And how their eyes just stare at you. Makes your hard doesn't it?**_

"**Makes me sick, that what's it doing to me! How could you even think that I'd even do that!"**

_**You are the 'God of Death' they must give you dead virgin sacrifices.**_

"**I've never did it with a dead person!"**

_**Know Your Stars…Duo Maxwell…is in love with Lady Une…**_

"**What in the hell! I'm not in love with Lady Une!"**

"**Oh, Duo! How could you!" cried Hilde.**

"**I'm not in love with Lady Une, Hilde, baby!" said Duo.**

"**And what's wrong with me Maxwell?" asked a very angry Une.**

"**You're my boss!"**

"**And! What's that got to do with it?"**

"**You're old enough to be my older sister, if I had one!**

**"Are you calling me old Maxwell?"**

**"YES! Granny Une!"**

_**Okay! Stop with arguing!**_

"**You started it!"**

_**So? I do what I want! I'm master of this show! Hahaha!**_

"**Nutcase."**

**_Know Your Stars…Duo Maxwell…is about get his ass kicked by Treize Khushrenada!_**

"**Huh?" Just then Treize popped out of nowhere and started to beat up Duo.**

"**How dare you call My Lady old, you cur! Prepare to get you ass handed to you boy!" said a very angry and very alive Treize.**

"**Wait a minute here! You were dead! I _killed_ you! How are you still alive!" cried Wufei.**

**Treize stopped beating Duo up and looked at Wufei and said, "The power of literature my pet Dragon." And then got back to kicking Duo's butt. "How you like that now, huh? You punk, I'm gonna make you pay for making my darling Une angry!"**

"**AUGH! MY SPEEN! I CAN'T FEEL MY SPEEN!" cried Duo.**

**_Ouch! That had to hurt. And now we know Duo Maxwell: The God of cute things and the lover of dead people and Lady Une…And oh my gawd! I've never seen someone's back bend that way! Remind me never to get on the General's bad side._**

**Heero finally stumbled back to the other three, his hair even more tussled, his face covered with kisses and strangely, fully clothed.**

"**So, um, what'd I miss?" he asked as he gained his composer. **

"**Nothing much. Just Duo's little interview," said Wufei as he munched on his popcorn.**

**Heero looked up at the stage. He saw Treize drop kick Duo. "Oooo, He's going to feel that later. Hey, can I have some of that popcorn?"**

"**Sure." Heero took a bite and flames came out.**

"**This is good! What's in it?"**

"**Family secret."**

"**Oh Darn."**

"**Hey, um are you four going to, like, going to help him?" asked Sally.**

"**Why?" said Trowa.**

"**Good point."**

"**This is better than WWE! I hope Zechs is getting all of this!" said an overly happy Quatre.**

"**So, where's Relena, Heero? Did you finally kill her?" asked Trowa.**

"**Ah, I wish. I just disguised myself as someone reading a paper and told her that I had went on a shuttle that was going to the Pluto Penitentiary and she just shot off like a rocket to the space port. We won't see her for a while. **

_**That's cold and evil Heero.**_

"**Meh. Does it look like I care?"**

_**Ah darn it. I was going to torture her next too! Oh well, As soon as Treize gets done beating the crap out of Duo and clears the stage, our next guest Trowa Barton is next! I'm gonna love doing you!**_

"**Bring. It. On. Witch," said Trowa with determination in his eyes.**

**"Someone stop this crazy man!" cried Duo as Treize piledrived him into the stage.**

_**To be cont!**_

**N: Trowa's next guys! It seems he's not afraid of the voice either! What measures will the voice take to make Trowa snap? Find out next chapter! R&R! **


	3. Trowa Barton: King of Denial

**Nice: Sorry for the very long wait but here's the chapter you've been waiting for, Trowa's! This is going to be great!**

**Duo: No it won't.**

**N: Are you still mad about Treize kicking the crap out of you?**

**D: Yes!**

**N: Suck it up! Now here's the disclaimer!**

**Nice doesn't own anything.**

**On with the fic!**

**KYS! Ch. 3: Trowa Barton **

**After the stage crew scraped what was left of Duo off the stage and replaced the stool (Treize used it to break Duo's arm) they were ready to go on with the show.**

**Trowa walked onto the stage and sat down onto the stool. He looked bored but there a sparkle in his eyes.**

_**This is going to so good. Seeing you crack will be the highlight of my day!**_

"**Whatever. I would love to see you fail at humiliating me," said Trowa.**

_**You wish! When I'm done with you you'll be worse off than Heero and Duo! **_

**Heero was trying to wash the lipstick off his face and twitched when Zechs said that he had copies of Heero's pink underwear. Duo was in a wheel chair and had a cast on his legs and one on his arm. Quatre was drawing hearts all over the casts and Wufei was laughing at him.**

"**Then what are you waiting for?" asked Trowa.**

**_Know Your Stars…Know Your Stars…. Trowa's real name is Stinky Poopybutt!_**

"**Actually that could be my name."**

_**Huh?**_

"**I don't know my real name. It could be Trowa Barton, Triton Bloom, No Name, or Stinky. Who knows? I sure as hell don't."**

_**Grr…Know Your Stars… Trowa Barton…is afraid of heights. He almost pees on himself when he's on the high wire.**_

"**That's true."**

_**What?**_

"**I was afraid of heights but now I have conquered my fear and love being up there now."**

_**Know Yours Stars…Trowa Barton…hates clowns…He rather see them burn in the deepest pit of hell.**_

"**That's true, too."**

_**No way.**_

"**I used to hate clowns. But after being one for a while, I began to like to. But clowns who wear too much makeup still creep me out."**

_**Why! Why aren't you cracking! Why are you not denying anything I'm saying! Why damn you!**_

**Trowa chuckled. "Just admit defeat and let me go. You can win- I'm the Unbreakable Trowa Barton.**

_**I'll find a way! Just you wait! I'll win in the end!**_

"**Yawn. Oh my gosh, I'm, like, so scared! Not!"**

_**Know Your Stars…. Trowa Barton wants to turn Lion-san into a fur coat!**_

"**What! No I don't! I like Lion-san!"**

'**_Hook, line, and sinker!' _thought the voice. _He plans on give it as a gift for Cathy or Quatre!_**

"**I'm not planning on anything! Lion-san is my only friend! I wouldn't kill him!"**

_**He's your only friend? What about Quatre? I thought he was your friend?**_

"**Y-you don't like me Trowa?" asked Quatre.**

_**Know Your Stars…Trowa Barton…is in a relationship with Quatre…**_

"**No, I'm not!" cried Trowa.**

"**But we do have a relationship! Why are you denying that we are -"**

"**Quatre, shut up!"**

"**Does anyone else feel that something bad is going to happen?" asked Duo.**

"**Yeah. I feel a pressure in my stomach like, no wait, sorry that was gas. But it does seem like something going to happen," said Treize. **

_**Don't be mean to the little guy. He can't help it if he lov-"**_

"**Shut up! It's not like that!"**

"**I'm not your friend, Trowa? Why!" cried Quatre. Then Quatre's eyes flashed yellow and a crazy look formed on his face as he cackled evilly. "_Well then, since you are not my friend, I guess it's okay to kill you now! Hahaha!"_**

"**Oh crap," said Trowa as he paled.**

"**He's relapsing ! Run!" cried Heero. He grabbed Duo by the braid and dragged him away.**

"**Stop! That hurts!"**

"**Do you want a ZERO system Quatre to hurt you or me?"**

"**Good point. Keep running."**

"**_Friend Trowa! Prepare to die!"_ said Quatre as he lunged at Trowa.**

"**No, no! Wait! Stop, Quatre!" cried Trowa as he ran out of the way.**

"**_Why should I! You were being mean to me!"_ he said as he tackled Trowa and started to throttle him.**

_**And now we, um, knew Trowa Barton! Ew, he's turning a nasty shade of blue.**_

"**Gak! Help!" choked Trowa. But everyone heeded Heero's warning and hauled ass to a safer place, under their seats.**

**Wufei, on the other hand, didn't run when Quatre went ZERO, but , was still in his seat munching on popcorn. He glanced around to see if anyone was going to help Trowa and saw that no one was. He sighed and got up.**

"**I guess it's up to me to keep Winner from killing him I guess.**

**_You just have to be a spoil sport, don't you?_**

"**Yep. 'Cause I'm Chang Wufei ,bitch." Wufei dug into his bag and pulled out a box that said : In Case That Quatre and/or Heero Go ZERO First Aid Kit by Dr. Sally and Nurses Cathy Bloom and Trowa Barton. He opened it a pulled out a tea kettle, a small stove, a bag of tea, and a cup. Then he heated up the tea kettle and waited.**

"**What are you doing?! Why are you making tea! Your crazy blond friend is killing Trowa! Don't you care?" asked Hilde.**

"**Nope. Not one bit. But someone has to save Barton. And _I will not_ be the one to tell Cathy that her 'brother' _died_, oh no, I'm sorry but I do _not_ have a death wish. Have you seen that girl used those knifes? Anyway, it was a part of the plan."**

"**How is tea going to help?" asked Noin.**

"**You'll see. There's a reason why I made that ZERO system first aid kit," said Sally.**

"**Oh good, the tea is done," said Wufei. He poured the tea into the cup and slowly walked up to the stage where Quatre was still strangling Trowa and Trowa was still surprisingly breathing or had stopped breathing but was still conscious, Wufei couldn't tell. "Oh Quatre…I have something for you."**

**Quatre stopped throttling Trowa and looked at Wufei with a crazy look on his face. "_Do you want to die, too? Okay! I'll get you Friend Wufei after I get rid of Ex-Friend Trowa._**

"**Uh, yeah sure, but don't you want to drink some of this wonderful tea I made for you?"**

"_**Okay! Thanks Friend Wufei! After I drink this, I'll make sure you'll die quickly, painfully yes, but quickly!"**_

"**That's, um, an honor. Just drink the damn tea!"**

**Quatre grabbed the cup and sipped it elegantly, soon the manic look disappeared and he turned back to normal. In his normal voice he said, "That was wonderful tea Wufei, thank – ACK!" He was promptly hit on the head with a baseball bat and fell to the floor.**

"**Why did you hit him! He was okay!" cried Une.**

"**That was the last step," said Wufei as he helped Trowa up.**

"**Last step?"**

"**Yep! The last step in the ZERO system first aid kit says, 'Once calmed down and back to normal, hit them on the head with a wooden or metal baseball bat.'," said Sally.**

"**Easier to handle if relapses again," said Trowa as he picked up Quatre.**

_**That's all fine and dandy, but you just knocked out the person I was going to interview next!**_

"**He wouldn't be knocked out if _you_ didn't _provoke him!_" said Trowa.**

_**He wouldn't have been provoked if you didn't deny everything!**_

"**I wouldn't have denied anything if you didn't assume something was going on between us!"**

_**You're right. But you made it so easy to do it! Oh well, since Wufei knocked Quatre out, he'll have to take his place.**_

"**I have to what! INJUSTICE!" roared Wufei.**

"**Is it over?" asked Heero and Duo as they peeked over a group of seats. They saw Wufei ranting and thought, 'Nope. It's just beginning.'**

_**Meanwhile**_

**Relena stormed from the space port. "That man lied! There are not flights to Pluto for and other week! Heero must be back at the studio. But how am I going to get back?" Relena looked around and spotted a mode of transportation. 'Ah ha! That will do nicely! And I love the color!' she thought as walked to it and it's owner. She tapped him on the shoulder and said sweetly, "I'm sorry sir, but I'm going to need to ' borrow' your ride…."**

_**To be cont!**_

**N: So did you like it? What kind of punishment will Wufei get? What kind of ride did Relena steal? Find out next time! R&R!**


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